Salt Lake City

Thursday morning we left Boise thinking it was a lovely place, albeit a bit hot in the summer. We didn’t waste any time getting camp packed up since we didn’t bother with the hookups the night before. We simply pulled in the sides around 7:30 and were off. The kids slept through the all the noise and we had a nice quiet hour of driving before they woke.

We drove South on I-84 through yet another mountain range. The brown mountains dotted with a rare tree rose two-dimensionally from the earth like a painted backdrop on a movie lot. In front of those mountains were valleys being irrigated for crops. Overhead bi-winged crop duster appeared to be landing on the road in front of us only to drop down mere feet from the interstate onto a dusty runway. Again, as in much of the West, the inhabitants seemed to be up against a lot from Mother Nature. The signs along the road warned travelers of gusty winds and frequent blinding dust storms. They even left off the “in winter” part of the ubiquitous “Bridge may be icy” warnings.

Approaching Salt Lake City, the mountains cradled the city surrounding it on all sides. The capitol building sat on a hillside looming stately above the city. Up ahead, we could see the spires of the Temple topped by a golden Angel Moroni rising up from what must be the center of the city. All around were cranes and construction cones. The city was experiencing a major growth spurt.

We checked in to our downtown KOA campground. When we opened the door, we discovered it was even hotter than Boise. How is this possible? The “Sunshine Greeter," Marla, told us it was the hottest day all summer. The thermometer read 104. It was like someone had pointed a giant hair dryer toward my body. With no humidity, it was possible to endure but just barely. Marla was eager to share as much information as possible about Salt Lake City with us. She began telling us all about her life and her children. Marla has seven kids, but she was quick to tell us that she is not mormon, nevermind the big family. She also shared a dozen maps and pamphlets for us. She advised us that a “free” shuttle ran every hour and half hour to Temple Square with the only catch being that once inside “they” expect you to take a little thirty minute tour. “Great,” I told her. Sign us up for the freebie to downtown.

We got in the shuttle with two older gentlemen that were excited to discover our Nashville provenance. “Whatever happened to Opryland?” Don asked. “Have you heard that your weather back home has been unseasonably cool?” Darrell inquired. It also intrigues me that no matter where you go people love Nashville. I wanted to know about Salt Lake City and they wanted to talk country music. Oh, well. Soon enough, the driver, Darrell, began his scripted tour of the city. He told us a little about the city’s most important buildings and a lot about its religion. When he dropped us at the square, he directed us to the information booth inside the iron gates.

Inside those gates were some of the most beautiful flowers I have seen outside of Victoria. The courtyard was spotless without so much as a decaying leaf on the concrete walkways. It sparkled. A very dapper older gentleman approached us and informed us that a tour would begin in about 15 minutes if we were interested. “Well, I have all these kids with me. Maybe we should just show ourselves around,” I told him. “The children will be fine. Won’t you kids?” he replied. Just then, I was certain that the tour was actually a requirement rather than a suggestion. “The sisters will be around in a minute to conduct your tour. They are all here on their mission requirement. Each woman is twenty-one and many will be conducting tours in their second language. Remarkable young women,” he said, “Have a seat on the planter.” Ok. Kids don’t misbehave! PLEASE! I know a little about the Mormon faith. I know that family is hugely important. I also know that their children are expected to behave and when they don’t it is due to some failure of the parent. YIKES! Pressure is on! Suddenly, I had an epiphany. Everyone on the square was wearing modest clothing. I was wearing shorts and Megan was in a tank top. We were both mortified upon the realization that maybe we were dressed disrespectfully. Great, I thought, my kids are tired and ready for meltdowns and I’m wearing short shorts! What a disaster!

The young ladies who conducted our tour were very warm and sweet and dressed very conservatively in long skirts. Their shoes were also modest and I could see that they were all also wearing hose. I can only imagine how hot they must have been. As they began the tour, it was evident that they were not professional tour guides with one of the ladies looking vaguely pained by the public speaking. They told us tidbits about the founding of the city and the leadership of Brigham Young and Joseph Smith. DISCLAIMER: what follows is an accurate account of events. I am NOT making fun, but I will be using humor to describe the rest of our visit. Dear reader, if you are sensitive to such things… STOP READING.

In the first building, the original temple, we learned that the organ inside was called the baby organ because it only has 3,000 pipes. The benches, original to the building, were made of white pine, the only tree in the valley, but were hand painted to look like oak. The building’s columns were also made of pine but had been painted to appear marble. Everywhere one looked something was trompe l’oeil. I haven’t seen so many faux finishes since my last house. As they told us the history, the ladies must have mentioned Jesus Christ and the Bible fifty times. It was clear to us that they wanted to be sure that we understand that Mormons are Christians. Somewhere along the way, the general public became confused. Many people falsely believed that the Mormons were not Christian. These sisters were out to clear that up. Each one carried a copy of both The Bible and The Book of Mormon in her hands at all times and reminded us of that fact every couple of steps.

The second building on the tour was the original tabernacle. The building was built in the late 1800’s under the leadership of Brigham Young and is acoustically perfect. It is in the building that the Tabernacle Choir performs with the exception of Christmas and the Summer months when more tourists are in town. The tabernacle holds thousands but the convention center where they perform during the busy months holds 20,000 and not a single seat is blocked by a column or other obstruction. These guys are serious about their architecture.

Right outside of the tabernacle, one of our fears came to fruition. From the moment we put Salt Lake City on the route, we laughed about having Megan along with us. We feared people would think her a sister-wife. Sure enough… outside of the tabernacle one of the sisters said to Megan, “Your kids are so beautiful.” Megan answered, “Thanks, but they aren’t my kids. I’m the babysitter.” “Ha. I thought so. I was just testing you,” said the sister. YIKES! 

Next we were led into the learning center. Inside was a rotunda called “The Center of the Universe.” The walls and ceilings of the rotunda were painted dark blues and purples and depicted the universe as we know it and the planets of our solar system. In the middle of the rotunda, set against the dark background, was a blindingly white and enormous sculpture of Jesus. In the surrounding hallways, giant murals depicting scenes from both the New and Old Testaments adorned the walls. There were also wax statues of the prophets Isiah and Joseph Smith and a huge well-lit portrait of “The Living Prophet.” It was in this room, that Megan asked a sister for directions to the restroom. The sister made a grand gesture with her hand and proclaimed, “Just follow Jesus.” Yep, she was telling us to follow Jesus to the bathroom. Was she kidding? Was she tempting us to laugh? It was all too much. I’ll admit here and to all of you that I did laugh. To do otherwise would have been impossible. On the way out, they asked me if I would like a free copy of the Book of Mormon. Of course I would! I love world religions and this one is particularly fascinating. I needed to know more. The sister was excited by my enthusiasm and asked for my phone number. She would be sending a missionary to my home with my free copy. I told her thanks and gave her my sister’s number. HA. Just kidding. I was sooooo tempted. I told her that I am a happy Methodist and that I was only intellectually curious. The poor sister looked so sad that I almost changed my mind. I gave her my address instead and she promised to MAIL me a free DVD.

When the tour ended, we headed out to meet Jim for dinner. He happened to be in town on the same day for a trade show. The kids were thrilled to be having dinner with “Uncle Caca” in Salt Lake City. Aidan thought it was hilarious to be meeting up so far from home. The girls still have no idea where we are. While we waited for Jim to finish at the show, we walked around Salt Lake and looked for a Starbucks. Did I mention it was 104?

By the time we found a Starbucks, we had walked several blocks. The girls were begging to be carried. As soon as we got inside the store, the girls both fell asleep on a couch in the café while we enjoyed a few quiet moments. The girls slept for about an hour and we were off to meet Jim. As expected, it was great to see him. We had a very relaxing meal at the Red Rocks Brewery and then headed back to the KOA for an evening swim. Salt Lake City: Added to the list. We MUST return.