Dead Guy Tour

I had hoped to write an account of each day in DC, since we will more than likely forget the little things that make traveling with a gaggle of kids entertaining, but DC won. I was too exhausted at the end of each day to even consider thinking and reflecting, so what follows will be my best effort to recall our time in DC.

Our first day of sightseeing in DC began around 9 a.m. Super driver, Brent, somehow managed to find his way to a parking space on the Capitol end of the Mall. The temperature was already in the 90’s and the humidity was unreal. We struggled to push our 40 lb. nearly 5-year-old twins up the hill in their double stroller (that’s 80 pounds uphill on a day with a heat index of 100 by 9 a.m.). Finally, we reached the Capitol plaza. Aidan was truly impressed and paused to take pictures and look down the Mall with his binoculars while the girls were merely interested in whether this was yet another “dead guy’s” house.

The tour continued down the Mall toward the Washington Monument, but the heat was really starting to get to all of us. We turned in toward the Archives, well aware that we would wait for up to an hour to see the famous documents. I had no idea that we could have arranged a date and time for our tour online. Of course, this discovery totally annoyed me for more reasons than one. I am obsessively prepared for travel with these kids. I usually have every move we make planned, but I was planning for the old Washington, the one where everyone waits in line to see our historical treasures. After finding that I could have made a reservation (but only months in advance), I just couldn’t stomach the wait… standing there like a sucker in 100 degree heat was beyond my threshold for humility; however, I just couldn’t fathom how one could plan to be someplace at an exact time months before one even arrived. What will you be doing at 9 a.m. on December 10th,? You don’t know! It’s impossible and ridiculous. I tried very hard not to make a connection to the absurdity of other redundant and sometimes ridiculous Washington bureaucratic policies. Annoyed, we stopped in a shady spot to eat our picnic lunch then ducked into the Museum of Natural History to see the dinosaur bones and enjoy the refreshment of air conditioning.

That night we were invited to join my friend, Sara, and her family out in Alexandria for dinner. It had been almost 4 years since we had seen each other, but it didn’t take long to get reacquainted. We all had a great time and enjoyed the brief time away from touring and camping, touring and camping.

Thursday morning, we had to make good time to see what was left on the already failure of an itinerary I created. We started at Mt. Vernon because it was the farthest South, and we had no intention of heading back in that direction for another week and a half. WE simply must escape this heat. We arrived around 10, and the heat was already daring us to give up and turn back like NORMAL people… alas, normal, we are not. We pressed on to the historic mansion of our nation’s first president….. or as Ella and Abby said with tears as we approached “another DEAD GUY’s house! WHY ARE WE GOING BACK TO A DEAD GUY’S HOUSE?” I really couldn’t answer that… ummm,,, because that’s what people do?

The kids managed not to melt down completely and we survived another 30 minute tour through a mansion with 3 foot-wide-hallways in 100 plus degree heat. These kids really are troopers. As we exited the mansion and headed downhill with the stroller and 80 pounds worth of kids, I couldn’t help but to feel sorry for Brent who would be pushing them back uphill in less than an hour. It will undoubtedly be only hotter by then.

Even if you ask Brent, I think he would agree that the gravesite of President Washington and his First Lady was well worth it. As we made the push back up the hill, the kids finally started to complain in earnest. They were all hungry and tired. I can’t blame them. We decided to pay the extra cost of eating there on the property than to chance hitting a traffic jam with hungry kids. We were pleasantly surprised to discover that the food at the “Inn” was really quite good; of course, the best part of the meal was the ice cold beer that we allowed ourselves after an afternoon of educating our kids in what was undoubtedly the hottest weather I have ever experienced. We took our time enjoying the lunch and ended the meal with apple pie (What’s more American, right?). Clearly, we have NOT been fulfilling our duties as parents when I realized that my kids had never had apple pie. What kind of Americans are we? Just then I realized that it was all ok. Brent isn’t American! That’s my excuse.

After lunch, we headed back to town. We wanted to see the Air & Space Museum. As we were driving, I had the GRAND idea of stopping at Arlington, since it was on the way back. It was quite a trip back as we sat in traffic next to Reagen National as the jets roared toward the runway just to our right. With nothing but a bag of pretzels to entertain the kids, I knew we were taking a huge gamble with pretzels and no water, and I couldn’t help but recalling the episode of Seinfeld when Kramer practiced saying, “These pretzels are making me THIRSTY!”

When we finally arrived at Arlington, only Abby and Aidan were awake, so Brent gallantly offered to wait in the car with her ;). Abby and Aidan and I got out of the car with the earnest hope of making it to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Unwilling to pay for the tram, we took off on foot for the Eternal Flame at the Kennedy graves. After the steep climb to the flame, I tried to explain the Kennedy presidency to my near 8-year-old as Abby looked on with an expression that said, “ We walked up her for another dead guy, Mom.” It was then I realized that this trip was for her a very different animal.. something akin to torture. Aidan and I agreed that it was too hot for the rest of the climb up to the tomb and headed back for the car. They are young. There is time for that in 8th grade when they make the trip in MARCH. Sweatshirts are better than this heat.

Back in DC, we agreed to meet up with Jeanna and little Ella at the carousel on the Mall. We were only there long enough to buy 3 rides on the merry-go-round and three more beers… one for Brent and myself and one for Jeanna. It was a lovely way to spend an hour in DC, and the kids enjoyed the breeze created by the carousel.

The next day, today, was a Friday. We contemplated a visit to the Pentagon to visit a friend, a Colonel in Army stationed there, but we just couldn’t muster the strength. We decided, instead, to make a break for Gettysburg. Although we were disappointed to not see my uncle’s dear friend, we were more than pleased with the decision in the end. Gettysburg was an incredible experience. I feel that there is so much to say, but no way to say it with the elegance it requires. Suffice it to say, Gettysburg was an incredible experience that I recommend, wholeheartedly, to anyone. It was beautiful, majestic, and beautifully organized. With three kids, ease and organization are huge. Gettysburg was all of those things and more.

For the next few days, we are off the dead guy tour. Next stop is Mystic, Connecticut, where we plan to hang on the beach and eat some seafood.

As always, thanks for reading…. More from the COAST!

P.S. Please excuse any spelling and/or grammatical errors. Most of this is written late at night or while riding in a moving RV while kids shout for my attention. I'm not really an idiot.